First off, Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2018 treats ya well.
Oh gosh have I been through a lot of shit since we last spoke. I've made friends, lost friends, had my heart crushed, my depression is back, anxiety is through the roof, just a whole lot of crazy nonsense and hurting. I think I'll spare you the details for my own sake, but I do want to discuss all the feelings and change I've been dealing with.
I honestly am so deeply hurt over the mini heartbreak I've experienced a little over two weeks ago. I just can't wrap my mind around it, I thought things were going great between him and I and I guess he didn't feel the same way. Either that or he just thought I was a bad kisser. But the heartache, the fucking heartache that I've been feeling hasn't left since the day he told me he didn't think it was gonna work out between us. He's even been hanging out with another girl already, after telling me that he also doesn't think he could give our relationship the time it would need right now. I'm so confused! Am I just ugly? Am I too awkward? We have many common interests, music specifically. I know my love for Brand New and Star Wars was likely my most attractive trait. I just don't know what went wrong. Because nothing did!
I joke with my friend about how I'm likely to pass out and die one of these days, because if you know what actual heartbreak and heartache feels like, you know it sucks. It feels unbearable! I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I've gone with friends to so many parties the past few weeks, because everyone says alcohol is the answer and it probably is. But I always get extremely emotional about this whole mess when I'm drunk. I try to take my mind off of it, I try to forget about it for a while and have a good time with everyone. But it just takes up my whole mind. I see his face every time I close my eyes! It's tough! I don't know how much longer I can deal with feeling this way.
I know I said I was gonna spare the details but it looks like I kind of dived right into it a little. My apologies, but that's also kind of what this blog is for ya know.
I do want to reach out to all of you, though, and ask you for some advice. For those of you out there who've experienced this kind of thing, how do you cope? What do you do to take your mind off of things? Is there anything I can do to try to even get over this once and for all? And recommending writing is not allowed. I'm already a writer and every time I open my journal, my pen only knows how to write about him.
Any advice, at all, is very much needed. All my love.
x
Oh gosh have I been through a lot of shit since we last spoke. I've made friends, lost friends, had my heart crushed, my depression is back, anxiety is through the roof, just a whole lot of crazy nonsense and hurting. I think I'll spare you the details for my own sake, but I do want to discuss all the feelings and change I've been dealing with.
I honestly am so deeply hurt over the mini heartbreak I've experienced a little over two weeks ago. I just can't wrap my mind around it, I thought things were going great between him and I and I guess he didn't feel the same way. Either that or he just thought I was a bad kisser. But the heartache, the fucking heartache that I've been feeling hasn't left since the day he told me he didn't think it was gonna work out between us. He's even been hanging out with another girl already, after telling me that he also doesn't think he could give our relationship the time it would need right now. I'm so confused! Am I just ugly? Am I too awkward? We have many common interests, music specifically. I know my love for Brand New and Star Wars was likely my most attractive trait. I just don't know what went wrong. Because nothing did!
I joke with my friend about how I'm likely to pass out and die one of these days, because if you know what actual heartbreak and heartache feels like, you know it sucks. It feels unbearable! I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I've gone with friends to so many parties the past few weeks, because everyone says alcohol is the answer and it probably is. But I always get extremely emotional about this whole mess when I'm drunk. I try to take my mind off of it, I try to forget about it for a while and have a good time with everyone. But it just takes up my whole mind. I see his face every time I close my eyes! It's tough! I don't know how much longer I can deal with feeling this way.
I know I said I was gonna spare the details but it looks like I kind of dived right into it a little. My apologies, but that's also kind of what this blog is for ya know.
I do want to reach out to all of you, though, and ask you for some advice. For those of you out there who've experienced this kind of thing, how do you cope? What do you do to take your mind off of things? Is there anything I can do to try to even get over this once and for all? And recommending writing is not allowed. I'm already a writer and every time I open my journal, my pen only knows how to write about him.
Any advice, at all, is very much needed. All my love.
x