i think this was the worst weekend of my life. so much dumb shit happened, and i am so fucking tired. i wanna jump off of my roof just to feel something. everything's a fucking mess. i actually just wanna die. that works too.
I'm so embarrassed at myself. A 'friend' of mine has been blowing me off for like the past month just because I friend zoned him one night when we were drunk. And I'm so fucking embarrassed because now that he's all pissy about it, I just kind of miss him. Like I wanna hop on his dick and he's not even my type, like what the fuck. But this whole situation is kind of annoying.
I'm starting the new season of oitnb. Kinda wanna go swimming. Do any of you have your own pool? Can I come over? I've been swimming in a public pool the last two days and I'm really not feeling it lmao. I don't like swimming while a bunch of middle school boys talk about my tits.
Anyways I don't know what this post is trying to say or what its even about or why I even wrote it but its whatever. I'll probably have something interesting for you guys tomorrow. Summer is finally here. Summer is finally happening. Things are finally happening. I am actually starting to live.
i ended up going swimming for like half an hour today, i smoked way too much weed before we went to the pool and i wasn't feeling it anymore, now i'm just so sleepy.
also just went to mcdonalds and ordered a chicken sandwich w/ a coke. kind of wish i didn't get anything. i'm wearing a fucking bikini and eating mcdonalds. i'm gross. if i wasn't sitting in this car parked in front of the clinic i would purge right now.
tonight wasn't what i expected it to be. in fact nothing went as planned. i was supposed to go swimming with my friend and a couple of goofy boys we call our friends for some reason. but then i just didn't go and went for a cup of coffee instead. usually this is fun for me. sitting in the cafe, talking to the barista (aka my fucking cruuuUush) etc. we ended up longbording for a little while after he got off work. it was fine. it was an okay night. i feel like i just expected more out of it, like i expected something to happen. nothing did.
if there's one thing i know for sure though, it's that i need to get over that stupid crush. i don't think we'll ever happen, so why let myself suffer for so long? gosh guys, how do you get over somebody? any tips? this is hard /:
i'll be updating tomorrow, it's supposed to be an eventful day. we'll see! xo
My life has just gone to shit within the past few weeks. I got fired for asking for one single day off, I feel like I'm slowly dissociating from all of my friends. etc. Things just seem shitty and they won't get any better. I think I want a therapist. Someone to talk to, someone who'll actually listen to me even if its only because they're getting paid to listen to me. I just need someone to FUCKING listen for once.
I am depressed. i don't know when that happened but yikes, here I am again in this stupid depression hell. I mean I just wanted to get that out, i don't really know what to say about it though so lets just forget that. Anyways.
I've actually been considering being a possible sugar baby. Like doesn't that sound crazy???? I know. I agree. But here I am, broke as fuck. And guys taking me out to dinner wouldn't be so bad. I just need a platonic sugar daddy. I don't feel like giving any sugar you feel me. I could be rich that way. I could finally do something with myself. Finally get a car, finally get the FUCK out of this stupid city, just finally live! I don't know, that thought is still being considered but I'll get back to you all really soon on that one.
Gosh it feels like its been forever since I last updated. I apologize to those of you out there who maybe possibly even enjoy reading about my bullshit life. And I apologize to those of you out there who are getting sick of all my cursing. But hey, its who I fucking am ;) Alright. I'm signing off for the night. I'm gonna go start working on a little project I've been thinking about for awhile now. Take care of yourselves! xo