i think this was the worst weekend of my life. so much dumb shit happened, and i am so fucking tired. i wanna jump off of my roof just to feel something. everything's a fucking mess. i actually just wanna die. that works too.
I'm so embarrassed at myself. A 'friend' of mine has been blowing me off for like the past month just because I friend zoned him one night when we were drunk. And I'm so fucking embarrassed because now that he's all pissy about it, I just kind of miss him. Like I wanna hop on his dick and he's not even my type, like what the fuck. But this whole situation is kind of annoying.
I'm starting the new season of oitnb. Kinda wanna go swimming. Do any of you have your own pool? Can I come over? I've been swimming in a public pool the last two days and I'm really not feeling it lmao. I don't like swimming while a bunch of middle school boys talk about my tits.
Anyways I don't know what this post is trying to say or what its even about or why I even wrote it but its whatever. I'll probably have something interesting for you guys tomorrow. Summer is finally here. Summer is finally happening. Things are finally happening. I am actually starting to live.
i ended up going swimming for like half an hour today, i smoked way too much weed before we went to the pool and i wasn't feeling it anymore, now i'm just so sleepy.
also just went to mcdonalds and ordered a chicken sandwich w/ a coke. kind of wish i didn't get anything. i'm wearing a fucking bikini and eating mcdonalds. i'm gross. if i wasn't sitting in this car parked in front of the clinic i would purge right now.
tonight wasn't what i expected it to be. in fact nothing went as planned. i was supposed to go swimming with my friend and a couple of goofy boys we call our friends for some reason. but then i just didn't go and went for a cup of coffee instead. usually this is fun for me. sitting in the cafe, talking to the barista (aka my fucking cruuuUush) etc. we ended up longbording for a little while after he got off work. it was fine. it was an okay night. i feel like i just expected more out of it, like i expected something to happen. nothing did.
if there's one thing i know for sure though, it's that i need to get over that stupid crush. i don't think we'll ever happen, so why let myself suffer for so long? gosh guys, how do you get over somebody? any tips? this is hard /:
i'll be updating tomorrow, it's supposed to be an eventful day. we'll see! xo
My life has just gone to shit within the past few weeks. I got fired for asking for one single day off, I feel like I'm slowly dissociating from all of my friends. etc. Things just seem shitty and they won't get any better. I think I want a therapist. Someone to talk to, someone who'll actually listen to me even if its only because they're getting paid to listen to me. I just need someone to FUCKING listen for once.
I am depressed. i don't know when that happened but yikes, here I am again in this stupid depression hell. I mean I just wanted to get that out, i don't really know what to say about it though so lets just forget that. Anyways.
I've actually been considering being a possible sugar baby. Like doesn't that sound crazy???? I know. I agree. But here I am, broke as fuck. And guys taking me out to dinner wouldn't be so bad. I just need a platonic sugar daddy. I don't feel like giving any sugar you feel me. I could be rich that way. I could finally do something with myself. Finally get a car, finally get the FUCK out of this stupid city, just finally live! I don't know, that thought is still being considered but I'll get back to you all really soon on that one.
Gosh it feels like its been forever since I last updated. I apologize to those of you out there who maybe possibly even enjoy reading about my bullshit life. And I apologize to those of you out there who are getting sick of all my cursing. But hey, its who I fucking am ;) Alright. I'm signing off for the night. I'm gonna go start working on a little project I've been thinking about for awhile now. Take care of yourselves! xo
my friend won't text me back and i'm suicidal; if he'd just talk to me i think it'd help. why is he ignoring me in the first place? we were hanging out only two days ago. nothing bad happened between us. i'm always there when he needs me, why won't he be here for me? i need to go.
Although I don't totally believe in zodiac garbage, I will say that the past two guys I've liked have been cancers. And they did N O T work out. Obviously. The first one was really lovey dovey, relationship-potential for like a week and then became the biggest asshole I've ever met (aka the guy I was saying may have took my virginity. The other one just says he isn't looking for a relationship atm, although I'm "really pretty and my music taste is amazing." But whatever.
There's a friend of mine who's probably one of my best friends and he told me he liked me in his car like a week ago. I played it off and pretended to be clueless about it but to be honest, I've always known. I just don't know. I don't know if I'd ever date this guy, even if he's not a cancer. I like our friendship a lot. It's probably best to remain a friendship. If something happened between us and then ended, and I didn't have him anymore to talk to or hang out with, it'd depress the fuck out of me. He knows like all of my secrets. I tell him everything, even when I don't want anyone to know about something. It's like I just feel comfortable talking to him about my life.
I get to see him in a few days, he was out of town. I'm excited.
So something I think is incredibly cool about this blog is the fact that literally nobody knows who's behind the keyboard. None of you know who I am, and that's incredibly refreshing in some way. I can be brutally honest about some aspects of my life and it's all okay. You can judge me, but you can't really judge ME, you know? I think I'm definitely going to put more use to this blog. So get ready for that.
And I know this is a blog about me and my life, but if you guys feel like commenting anything about yourselves, feel free. As much as I may seem like I don't care, I actually do care about you guys. I mean, I'm writing to you all with some pretty personal info. I think we're already pretty close ;)
Guys, there is SO MUCH I have to tell you!
First things first, I'm not a virgin anymore. It happened a few months ago and to be honest, I'm not even happy about it. He turned out to be the biggest piece of shit, so of course I have my regrets. We didn't even fully have sex, I pushed him off of me so many times, maybe it didn't even count?? Maybe I'm still a virgin!
Anyhow, I've decided to start working on myself starting tomorrow. Both physically, mentally, and emotionally. And I really need to cut the toxic people out of my life. Remember when I mentioned having no friends? I actually miss that. And the guy I might have lost my virginity to? I spent the night at his house last night. He kept making out with me and continuously tried to fuck me. But I've learned that its really something I could never want from him. Everything about him disgusts me. He's definitely never hearing from me again. I've already blocked his number.
I'm really highly considering moving out of this shitty city this year. I'm turning eighteen soon, I can do what I please. I also picked up on smoking cigarettes regularly, so I'm feeling pretty shitty about that. But things change. I'm obviously not the same person I was four months ago. I'm a whole new me, even if it's not the best version of myself. It's new. And I guess we're always changing. And life's always changing us.
I don't know. I guess I actually didn't say very much like you were probably expecting. But I will be writing more. I forgot all about this little blog and I'm surprised people still continue to check it out. I saw the stats, some of you guys are here everyday! That's insane! I have a lot of love for those of you who don't me shit. Speaking of which, Amy, if you see this, you know who you are. The supposed 'Katie Kampenfelt" you're saying was found dead in December? That's such bullshit, Katie Kampenfelt is fiction! Who do you think I am? I'm definitely not Katie Kampenfelt. Also I've had this blog since April of 2015. So I mean, I've been here awhile. Get lost!
i don't know, maybe i'll kill myself.
no, that's not like me. maybe i'll just run away. I'll never come back.
all i know at this moment is that i'll be out of this stupid city next may for sure. you watch me.